Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Pincushion Girl (Annoying Classmates, Part I)

Hello again, internet-dwellers!  I have come to regale you with a tale from the not-so-distant past.  Partly because I am bored, and partly because I am putting off doing homework for as long as possible.  Now that we're down to crunch-time with finals, it feels like the right time to really procrastinate as much as possible.  Once finals are over, it'll be too late, and I'll have missed all of these great opportunities to procrastinate.  See?  I'm actually seizing the day here.  I am awesome.

Anyway, this is the story of Pincushion Girl.

Pincushion Girl was a troll of a girl in my Intro to Psychology class last spring, and she was a freaking NUT JOB.  She got her title from the small white pincushion that she wore atop her head every day.  The only times I didn't see her wearing this pincushion during the course of the semester, were times when she was wearing something even more ridiculous.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is an illustration of pin-cushion girl that I recently made.  This does not do her full justice.  But it will suffice.

Note that the pinchushion never had actual pins in it.  It was not a functional head pincushion.  She didn't have sewing emergencies and need to have pins on her at all times.  She just thought a white pincushion fixed atop her head was the perfect accessory for every occasion.

She also wore a set of cat ears on two or three occasions, with a small red bow attached.  I can only assume she was wearing them because she thought they made her look cute.  They did not.  Here is a picture of them.  Again, it does not do justice to the real thing.

Notice how nothing about the picture has altered, except now she is wearing cat ears.  This is on purpose.  The cat ears did not improve her troll-like appearance.  They simply gave her cat ears.

On another occasion, she decided to change up the routine.  She wore a bow in her hair.  I could see this being cute!  I think that if you put a cute, perky little bow atop your head, you might have a chance of looking pretty okay.  However, she did not do this.  Instead, she took a sad, mangled piece of ribbon and tied a bow around a hank of her hair.  There may have been a bobby pin involved, I'm not really sure.  She also was not very good at tying showy little bows.  It mostly looked like somebody tying their shoes... but in her hair.

On finals day, she wore something that really took the cake.  I can see these being cool in certain settings, if you are an out-there, artsy kind of individual.  However, she was not.  She was a troll.  And she wore these on campus all day long.  Wore them.  Not just had them.  Not just kept them around her neck.  Wore them properly.  All day long.

That's right, ladies and germs.  Butterfly headphones.  Giant, purple, horrifying butterfly headphones.

Now, I'm sure there are several of you out there thinking that I am being unfair to this poor girl, and that possibly I am picking on her when she really doesn't deserve it.  This may make me a Mean Girl in your eyes.  However, allow me to explain her manner to you.  You will soon see why I don't really feel all that bad.

Apparently, this girl, and her immediate family, are perfect examples of every psychological disorder, oddity, and theory we discussed throughout the course of the semester.  Her dog is a great example of schizophrenia.  Her mom has bipolar, three personalities, and ADHD.  Her dad has suffered major damage to three different areas of his brain.  But he's all better now.  She herself has had every eating disorder, every sleep disorder, eight or ten phobias, and even PTSD once.  But again, she's all better now.

Of course, she's also studied every subject known to mankind.  And lived for multiple years in every state in the nation.  And on, and on, and on.  She's one of those people.  Those people drive me BONKERS.  Which is why I feel totally justified in ridiculing the dumb things she wears on top of her head.

The icing on the cake with this girl came the day we talked about possible causes of homosexuality in this Psych class.  We were actually discussing possible pre-natal causes of homosexuality at the time, which makes her response even more dumb.  For those of you not in-the-know, that means things that might make people gay that happen while babies are in the womb.  Her response was, "Maybe it's like, a way to be different, you know?  Like, it's the younger brother's way to rebel.  He doesn't want to be just like his older brothers, and he wants to rebel against his parents anyway, so he decides to be gay so that he can be a rebel."  From this one example, you can tell so much about this chick.  Which is, again, why I have no problem poking fun at her.

Anyway, that's my story about Pincushion Girl.  In the next Annoying Classmates post, I'll talk about The Most Awkward Boy on Earth!  Look for that some time soon.

So peace out, Internet Peoples!  Or something to that effect, anyway.

Oh, PS: If anyone is interested, there's been research on the correlation between being gay and being the younger of two or more boys.  The theory is that a woman's body can remember how many male fetuses it has carried, and its immune system will react differently the more male fetuses there have been, producing a kind of "male antibody" that could possibly cause homosexuality.  It's an interesting theory.  If you want to read more, this is the first thing that pops up when you type in "Womb gay brother" on Google.  There's other stuff too.

Bye for real this time!


  1. You know that show "30 Million Kids and Counting," or maybe it's just "19 Kids and Counting," and they have about ten boys? I wonder how many children in that conservative Christian family are gay.

  2. :-( Those poor little gay boys will be so self-hating for the rest of their lives because of their parents. It's sad.

  3. Reminds me of a girl I went to high school with...
    And, not to seem rude, but I believe that the research has said that the woman's body actually gets better with fighting the male body in the womb with every pregnancy. I could be wrong, though.

  4. No, that sounds about right, David! Thanks for clarifying!